In the course of life, we experience our own unique set of trials, tribulations, heartaches and triumphs.  But freedom, deliverance, has granted me the opportunity to share with you a few episodes of life’s experiences.  Not to degrade or defame a name, but to prove to you that the unadulterated Word of the Lord is true, and the truth is come to set us free.

For years I questioned, “Why do I attract men who are homosexuals, bisexuals or SSA (same sex attraction)?”  Is there something internally erroneous?  There must be disapproving of in the spirit sphere of influence that allures these men to me.  Searching my heart, I prayed for God to reveal ME to ME that I may know the source of this captivation and how to effectively minister to others and myself without becoming engaged in their world of transgression, and forming hatred in my heart against them.

My journals will take you on a crossing of reality, not just of my life but many of the women in the body of Christ (and women period) who have suffered as I have and are afraid to TESTIFY and regain living.  I believe in my heart that this work will be a witness of hope as I share with you my life experiences {in many subjects}, dreams, visions and revelations.

Over the course of a six year relationship and marriage, my ex-spouse was admittedly bisexual, homosexual.  Whatever they call it today I was living in an extremely repugnant situation.  However, the saving grace, mercy, and love of God had been, and still is, my place of safety and my foundation!  Laying the foundation in anything is an, first and foremost, important step in life.  If there is not a solid foundation for your house, the house will not stand; if there is not a solid foundation in your life, your life will dwindle; if the TRUE and SOLID Foundation (Christ) does not exist in your marriage, your marriage will be destroyed.

The groundwork must set strong and secure within the individual before the relationship is fashioned.  If not, you will succumb to and BE of the same mind with a course of living that God did not ordain for you…BONDAGE.  And, BONDAGE is not the will of God concerning His creation.

As I acknowledged earlier, I questioned, “Why do I attract men who are homosexuals, bisexuals or SSA (same sex attraction)?”  In the third or fourth year of my marriage, the Lord took me to times past when I was 16 years old.   My oldest son dad, who was my high school fellow, introduced me, a preacher’s kid, to selected matters in life I had never been exposed to.

He took me to an XXX movie where you sit in your car and tune your radio in to a certain frequency to hear the movie.  People were everywhere naked in the parking lot, and actually having sex in the car, on top of the car etc.  This was the most disgusting thing I had ever experienced at that age!  Now, please!  Don’t read this as if you have not been some places and done some things…some of you know exactly what I am talking about!

This particular experience created hatred in me against me, and when the divine nature of my womanhood took its course, I felt lewd.  To me, only married people should have sexual awakening!  For a long many of years, I battled this psychological trauma, and at times, just sometimes, that spirit of shame presents itself.  But glory to God, I know better and am very proud to be and experience life as WOMAN!

I also had a friend, a very best friend, who was gay (homosexual) and he has passed away in 1995.  I certainly do miss him.  I was always encouraging him to totally surrender and live holy.  I never talked ill of him or put him down because of the way he was living.  THEN, the big one happened.  I married a man who had that SSA Syndrome.  WHY?  I have no idea, but the scriptures declare:

“For such men are false apostles [spurious, counterfeits], deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles (special messengers) of Christ (the Messiah).  And it is no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light; so it is not surprising if his servants also masquerade as ministers of righteousness. [But] their end will correspond with their deed” (2 Corinthians 11:13-15, AMP).

When I met the man who became my husband, I was not in quest of a relationship.  And, if I were, it certainly was not with a “preacher.”  In October 1995, I had invited a colleague to minister a week revival at my home church and he agreed.  Expectedly, he brought assistance for the service and the gentleman happened to be the man I would eventually marry, who, by the way, did not think the best of me from the beginning.  His first perception of me was that I was arrogant.  Well, I didn’t think I was arrogant.  I was just particularly poised in whom I was in Christ and it showed!

On the first night of the revival, I got really sick and went outside to get myself together.  When I returned to the service there was an unusual anointing on me to dance prophetically by the Holy Spirit.  So, I obeyed the Holy Spirit and later he told me that when I begin to dance, the LORD told him that I was his wife.  However, he did not mention that I would be his third wife.

(C) 2005 Life, Dreams, and Visions, Angela M. Smith

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