On last night as I was picking up my lads from ‘fun with friends’ in Russiaville, I was listening to a radio show called ‘Fanning the Flame with Pastor Dave Engbrecht’ of Nappanee, IN.  He was teaching on the very thing that I’d shared with a dear mother on yesterday afternoon about parenting.  During my morning meditation, I was recalling many of the valuable words of nourishment that he was imparting.  It just now came to me that some parents have a tendency to bully, oppress, their children into doing things that will make them (the parent) happy.  They will often develop a rod of control and deem it to BE a rod of correction.  We good parents desire what is best for our sons and daughters.  And that desire, at times, is capable of leading us to imprisoning the fruit of our wombs unaware.  Protection!  We want to protect them from decisions that will lead to unwarranted impoverishment and ineptness in life.

However, we can’t protect them by controlling them.  SELAH!

I recall the numerous times that I’ve laid this before my own lads, “You have choices.  You can do this thing or you can do that thing.  If you disobey these are the rewards; if you obey these are the rewards.  Now, you choose which reward you want.”  Sometimes, just sometimes, they choose a reward they really don’t want (they disobey), but I have to BE the maturing parent and continue teaching them as they grow.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t get frustrated or upset.  I do!  Nonetheless, as I grow up with my lads I mature in my parenting methods.  So must we all!  We can’t expect our young adult children to respond well to us if we are still parenting them as if they were adolescents…in both age and mind.  SELAH!

If we do not improve (mature), we ultimately drive a wedge between us, and we create a contentious relationship.  You know, that’s just like the enemy of evil to come in and create breaks of discord to ascend and live.  However, we who are parents IN the LORD are the ones whom the children are commanded to obey.  Then, they are commanded to obey parents in all things because it is pleasing to the LORD.  Their obedience is for the LORD’s satisfaction not ours.  SELAH!  Thus, when they disobey we have to LET the way of the LORD discipline them through us, not us disciplining them because we are dissatisfied of their turning away.

In my April 28, 2015 journal, I beseeched parents to repent.  As I’ve said it then, I say it again, parents we have to repent!  Repent for our lack of understanding; repent for ruling with the rod of control (our emotions) and not with the rod of correction as the scripture have taught us.  LET us turn from provoking our children to wrath.  LET us not incarcerate our sons and daughters for the fault of their ways while in training.  Imagine if our parents would have held us captive and not let us live?  We all have gotten an “F” in something, yet we all have had the opportunities to make good that grade.  LET us love our sons and daughters like YAH loves us; giving them the same opportunity to make good the grade.  He loves us so that He saw us polluted in our blood (our sins, our own righteousness, which is as filthy rags), and He commanded us to live.

Parents LET us do our part! 

And even if our children make the choice to not do their part,we must propel in parenting IN the LORD.

© 2015 Angela M. Smith

This morning, as I lay in bed, I was recapturing this ODD dream I was having about a man who needed help in his repossession (reclamation, restoration, recovery) business.  I had recommended someone else for the job, but he just kept on telling me about what he needed.  He had it all laid out, i.e., the area I’d work in, the compensation, the benefits, etc. and I still referred him to another person who I deemed to BE better skilled to do the work.  As I laid there I was praying and thinking, “LORD!  Something just doesn’t seem right.  Show me what this is…this THING that I’m feeling this morning.  (Very sluggish) Why is this presence here?”

When I took my Jordan to school today, Josh’s teacher greeted me at the car and said, “Did Josh tell you he passed his test yesterday?”  I, thinking she was talking about the ECA test, told her, “He told me he had to take the ECA test yesterday (in my head thinking, they don’t get those pass or fail status’ right away), but he didn’t tell me he passed.”  She was looking in the back seat to see if he was in the car and I responded to her look, “He’s at home today; not feeling well.  But, I’m praying he gets to feeling better so that he can at least come to school this afternoon and take the other portion of the ECA.”  She replies, “I mean he passed his math test with at 93%.”  We both giggled and cheered him on in his absence as the superintendent watched us with a smile.  This is a big to do for us.  As it is, my Josh is a resuscitated baby and because of such there is a slight disconnect between his hearing and articulation.

When he was diagnosed with CAPD (central auditory processing disorder) and ADHD, I, as a parent, had to BE diligent in making sure he had all the necessary tools to succeed in the classroom, where he spends majority of his time.  Two of the most important tools were my parental advocacy (his wellbeing is my priority) and making sure the teachers were held accountable in doing their part of successfully teaching.  I have REGULAR (like going to the bathroom regular) conversations with his teachers, coaches, and his speech therapist.  I get weekly updates on his and Jordan’s progress, missed homework assignments, test grades, misconduct if there is any, and etc.  They send me emails, text messages; they call me and greet me very heartily in the mornings.  As a parent, it was my intention to establish this kind of relationship with them being that they are imparting into the lives of my sons up to 12 hours a day sometimes.

Anyway, as I was rejoicing over Josh’s victory my prayers had changed.  “LORD, I appreciate the teacher for her attention to my son and her method of teaching.  I’m thankful for her diligence in maintaining her part of our plan.  She was consistent; she was repetitive in reviewing and moving on; recapping again and moving forward; repeating step-by-step and progressing.  She didn’t let him fail.  SELAH!  This is a good morning report!”  In conjunction with this, my son didn’t want to fail so he too had to maintain his part of our plan.  He had to develop a new behavior (habit) that complemented what I and the teacher were doing.  He had to BEcome habitual in his actions of studying; reviewing and recapping; repeating and redoing.  That behavior only comes by way of repetition.”  When I wake up in the morning, I pray.  I don’t go to the bathroom first, or eat breakfast first.  Before I leave my room, I pray for 30 minutes.  This behavior only came by way of diligent repetition.

As I was driving back into town rejoicing and reviewing all the involved components that greeted me this morning, the Holy Spirit presented me the answer to my morning prayer at precisely 7:32 a.m.:  HABIT BY REPETITION!  Many things flooded my mind as I pondered upon those three words.  However, these things resounded:

(1) The LORD YAH is habitual.  His Spirit is chronic (as in long-lasting, always present); consistent unto righteousness.  Even when the LORD does a new thing, the THING is new, but the LORD YAH changes not and the LORD Yeshua is the same yesterday, to day, and for ever.    SELAH!

(2) And, because my confession is that I abide in Him and His Words abide in me, then I too must BE habitual, consistent unto righteousness, in doing A NEW THING!  This new thing for me is called REPOSSESSING.  I must repossess (recover, reclaim, regain, recoup, return to) my good sleeping and resting habits.  I do well for a few weeks, but then my behavior changes and I form a habit of staying up late and getting up early.  This is vain (of no value) and is not righteousness.  My sleep gravely misses me and I’ve been neglecting him.  I’ve not been kind to him; restricting his quality time with me.  The benefits that come with me LETTING sleep rest up on me are considerable.  Sleep!  Forgive  me for abusing you; for depriving you of your time.  Release me from the debt that I’ve brought up on you and myself.  SELAH!

(3) Also, I must repossess (recovery, reclaim, regain, recoup) dominion.  YAH said, LET US make man in OUR image and after OUR likeness; and LET them HAVE (possess and retain) dominion.  The only way for me to REPOSSESS these things is to change my Habit by Repetition!  I must begin a NEW procedure, a NEW routine of living.  The LORD YAH is fulfilling His part of the plan.  When I do my part of the plan, He is not going to LET me fail!

A few hours later, at 10:08 a.m., I was speaking a message and the word I used was translated as Shimano.  This is no mistake!  The Spirit of the LORD is giving me the power to get wealth.  I’ve never said that word before in my life and have never seen that word before.  Regardless, it is a real word and a prosperous word.  I looked it up and Shimano, headquartered in Sakai, Japan, is a multinational manufacturing company of cycling components, fishing tackle, and rowing equipment.  Now, this is the second time my translation has picked up a foreign accent in my voice, and they were two different accents.  With this happening, I know what I must do.  REPOSSESS! © 2015 Angela M. Smith

I’m struggling with leaving the broken glass because, to me, even in its broken state I see its value just as when it was not broken.  True the value has decreased, but nonetheless it is valuable.  The labor, the thought, the construction, the production of the glass is all so priceless.  I love that glass, and have indeed hurt myself working with its imperfection condition.

That glass has cut me many times as I long-suffered with it; and it times, it has not harmed me at all.  It has compassionately appreciated me and gave thanks for not giving up, not sweeping it up, and not throwing it away.  I’ve seen the hues of greatness that came peeking through its cracks as we worked at putting it back together…piece by piece, cut by cut.

As it is sometimes, the glass gets weary.  It gets tired of being poked at, maneuvered, and twisted into place to be-come its whole self again.  It wars with the reconfiguration because of ‘The Pain in the Process’ to be what it is.  Selah!  However, until the glass wants to work with me and fully cooperate with me and my love for it [lest I too be-come broken], it is in my best interest to let it [the glass] be what it is – and that is broken, shattered, and in pieces.

When I LET it BE what it IS, that’s when the Master of all glass production steps in.  Every piece is so important to YAH.  Shattered and distributed everywhere, He alone knows where to go and get that one piece to make the glass whole again.

© 2010 Angela M. Smith

“I don’t believe I’d be a burden to him who marries me because he WILL COME well-equipped to repair and/or help repair the damage from the happenings of and in my life” (Smith, Angela M 2011). SELAH!

This is realistic and exceedingly possible.  It is not a tremendous pressure for a man who IS well-equipped to repair or help repair the damage from the happenings of life.  The question that was asked of me was, and I quote, “Who is repairing you at this point? What if this man never appears, do you remain broken?”  My response, “He wouldn’t be repairing ME; he’d BE well-equipped to repair the damage from the HAPPENINGS in my life.  I [ME] am already repaired by the indwelling Holy Spirit.  So, whether he [my husband] appears or not I AM repaired. And no, we should not remain broken.  To BE that [broken] is a choice, and an Eshet Chayil (woman of virtue) never remains broken.  Perhaps we should discover what happenings that happened that he is well-equipped to repair?

I didn’t expect the woman who asked the question to tell me this, and I quote, “It doesn’t matter that I understand as long as God does.  Cast all your cares on GOD for he cares for you.  There are so many frustrated single Christian females.  It’s naive to think that a man can repair past damage that has been done to someone God created.”

Thus, I say to her “No dear, it’s not naive to think that a man can repair past damage that has been done to someone God created.  There are plenty things that man can fix/repair BEcause YAH has equipped him to fix them.  When we abide in Him and He abides in us, He has accordingly empowered us to BE repairers of the breach through Him.  I do agree that there are so many frustrated single Christian females.  However, I BE thankful that I’m not one of them BEcause (1) I’m not frustrated, (2) I’m not single, and (3) I’m not a Christian.  I AM peaceful, I AM unmarried, and I AM a BEliever of the Word of YAH.  Perception is the key and understanding is even more critical.  This is why I say, again, it’s not about FIXING or REPAIRING a person, but rather fixing or repairing a HAPPENING.  SELAH!

Proverbs 4:7 (KJV) ~ Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and WITH ALL thy getting get understanding.

ALL THINGS are possible to him who BElieves!  It is pivotal that we BEcome BElievers of the scriptures.  Yeshua said it Himself in Mark 9:23 (KJV) “Jesus said unto him, If thou canst BElieve, ALL THINGS ARE possible to him that BElieveth.”  When we BE-come this Word of YAH that we read and study, when it BE-comes our lifestyle, we will begin to see that NO THING IS impossible or unrealistic for us to obtain.  NO THING! THINKING OUT LOUD: Genesis 11:6 (KJV) And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now NOTHING WILL BE restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.  SELAH!

Finally, there was a man of wisdom who had the courage to ask a question that will bring forth sum total understanding about my quote.  He asked, “What happening?”  I replied, “AWW very good question.  I was hoping someone would ask BEcause asking for clarity brings sum total understanding to what is being said.

Example: a spouse whose credit is a mess because the other spouse had taken out loans [unaware to the other spouse] and had both names on the account; or a spouse whose credit score is not 850 but 450 not due to recklessness but due to happenings i.e. job loss, income loss, foreclosure, eviction, more bills less income, robbing Peter to pay Paul and all is still insufficient; absent parent won’t support; depression and oppression is alive BEcause there isn’t enough income to satisfy the needs [not the wants]; education, student loans, interview after interview for years and still no career to compliment your degree; clients stiffed you in your legitimate business dealings and you’ve not recouped your fees for services rendered, one season of success and three seasons of stress etc…

I know people [male and female] who have experienced some of these happenings.  I work with them every single day and get phone calls all hours of the night.  Not to mention, I’ve experienced one or two of those things I’ve listed above…..AND more!

Him (my husband) coming to me WELL-EQUIPPED means there is no thing [no happenings, no event] that I have experienced/or will BE experiencing will BE a burden to him.  The only way that I can BE a burden is if he is not well-equipped and well-abled to BE what he is called to BE.

All those things I’ve mentioned can be fixed and or repaired.  Just as there were EVENTS that caused them to happen, there are also EVENTS that will cause them to be fixed and or repaired. Sometimes, we all need help in repairing the damage from the happenings of life.  And, I furthermore consider that sometimes, just sometimes, the help that comes don’t even need our help.  They will just REPAIR the damage BEcause, again, they are WELL-EQUIPPED to do that.

So ladies, when he comes and BE who he is [well-equipped, well-endowed, FULLY ABLE, to repair; to make it right; to put things in order; to BE the head of the wife; to relieve the stress because of the lack; to make the way light], just LET HIM BE who he is.  LET HIM DO what he does! You will not BE a burden, a tremendous troublesome, to him.  For it will BE his pleasure to show you grace and for you to experience his love and compassion.  SELAH!  This I know to BE truth and it is coming to me soon!”

© August 9, 2011 (Angela M. Smith)

MY MORNING AND MIDDAY MEDITATION:  On last night, June 29^th, I was committed to being in a service that I had planned to BE at for over a month.  However, the additional resources didn’t prevail for me to do what I had committed myself to doing.  I really wanted to BE there.  However, more than that, I wanted to follow what YAH desired for me.  Something different was just around the bend and I was open to receive what HE had prearranged vs. me continuously trying to MAKE my plan happen.

During a string of indecisiveness, changing my mind more than twice, a chain of events, some effective communication, and an ultimate “I can’t go” posture, I learned that this wasn’t about me going or not going.  It was about me being able to ‘make a decision and stay committed’ to that decision until the conclusion of the matter; even when the end result was, “No!  Not this time.”

For many of years, I’ve made compulsive choices; ambiguities that left my first ministry, my family, in unjustifiable bondage; whiffling in weaknesses that pacified me [selfish] and satisfied someone else’s wishes.  And, those actions threw my household out of equilibrium.  While waiting on and trusting in the LORD, who is full of light and mercy, help that is stronger than I in decision-making has come.  This help is from the ultimate Helper.  In more ways than two, help is attracted to me and I am attracted to it.  Hmm, I just found myself in the Word of YAH according to Psalm 121.  I AM, right now, that song.  Anyways, one of the most impeccable ingredients about help is that while it comes to help, it also gets helped.  Insecurities of the past are kept at bay and healing has come to help’s aid.  We are helpers of the war, one to another.  SELAH!

Thus, BLESSED is the LORD, Who abides in me and me in Him.  He has caused me to BE open to His Guidance, His Will, and His way.  Despite the fact that I didn’t accomplish what I had planned, I freely promenaded the path that the day had initiated for me.  Every hour was beckoning me; waiting on me to embrace its “decreed and declared” design.  All I had to do was rise up to what already was…and I did that!  I and my lads met new friends; had a night filled with great family fun and authentic hilarious laughter.  My entire soul was flourishing (feeling giddy just thinking about it); as there had been a part of my essence on lock down due to life’s episodes.  I even explored the depth of my energy and karate chopped a board (((SO AMAZING)))!

My current stance: I AM pleased with YAH’s plan for me, and my plan is to follow His plan until the end” (Smith, Angela M. 2012)!

I’ve always been self-conscious about my hair after being told years in and years out that “You have “BAD” hair,” or “You look like a man with short hair.”  So, I started a natural hair process in January 2010 and it has been a slow transition to healthy.  The crown of my hair badly damaged and it appears that nothing I’ve tried has helped.  I can moisturize it EVERYDAY and it does well for a while then it relapse.

Today, I told the hair therapist that I was ready to get a relaxer again or shave it off because it wasn’t getting as healthy as I THOUGHT it should.  She begins to tell me that I have to BE patient.  Previously she had told me that my hair is actually healthier than the first time I came to her three months ago.  I immediately reflected on my meditation about being patient and not complaining about the passing of time for change to manifest.  I smiled at myself because I recognize my complaining.  I was making excuses as to why I should do something different than what I’m doing i.e. I don’t like the way it looks, it’s damaged at the crown, it’s not growing fast enough, the style doesn’t last all week, etc.

I thought about the spiritual work that was right now taking place to rid myself of all the voices that told me all those years that my hair was BAD.  What I started two years ago has been working against 17 years of insecurities and negative language about my hair.  I meditate 2-4 hours a day, but have never thought to direct my attention towards my lack of confidence concerning my mane.

YAH said that he made me in His image and that I [the sum total of who I am] was GOOD.  David, the Song (Psalmist), even declared that I, a Song (Psalmist), am fearfully and wonderfully made and that the LORD’s works are marvelous!  And that fearfully, wonderfully, and marvelous works includes my hair.  Change is changing me and hair.  I must continue in this process of transformation.  Thus, I am patiently waiting for the spectacular presentation of my illustrious tresses.

© February 24, 2012