Archive | May 2015

Compassion, I AM!

Today, life events from my youth woke up as I was meditating. I remember in my days of youth how I used to be tormented by princedoms, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places (the soul). Even though my parents were praying parents, I, in my own assessment, didn’t know how to respond to this torment other than self-harm. As a child, I didn’t even know this word or what it meant. However, the tormenter that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy knew that word and had no respect of me being a child.

The most common practice of self-harming is a cutter, which is strongly suited with poisoning. I, on the other hand, wasn’t a cutter. I was a self-beater, both mentally and physically, with suicidal tendencies. My communication with myself was destructive! Consequently, my right knee tells a story of years of abuse. The abuse was first compulsive (driven by this inner force to do something), and then intentional (premediated, well thought out) because I saw the results of compassion that it yielded. Compassion!

In former times, my thinking lifestyle and life’s happenings led me to obsessive and compulsive behaviors. These behaviors stifled my life! My thoughts were hacked as I attempted to secure things from people who didn’t have what I needed. Behaviors that made me want to demand this, that, or the other from bankrupt resources and individuals who were not gifted to meet the demand. These thoughts were my responsibility. Even so, after gelling with how I had evolved considering my ways wasn’t a stress-free undertaking. Nonetheless, the onus was still on my shoulder to consider my ways. What did I do, or was not doing, that caused my life to BE what it was? My self-harming actions were, in reality, harming others

As I now breathe, before I BEcame whom I AM I had to BE healed of who I was. SELAH! Wisdom was a ray of light, schooling me in that I wasn’t created with these self-harming deficiencies. Yet, they were born. These shortcomings had to die! An abortion was requisite in order for me to cuddle with salvation, healing, and miracles. And die…they did! Not in one wave, but in many tides over the past 30 years. On this journey, I’ve discovered that confessing my faults concerning my thoughts dismantles the pallets of pride. .

Essentially, I had to break up with injury and cunning persuasions to collect compassion and learn how to BEcome the compassion (the Ruhamah) that I longed for. SELAH! In the here and now, for the past 2 years, I’ve been praying for that Ruhamah. My prayers were consistent in this manner, “LORD! I want to BE compassion and more compassionate. I yearn to BE that for and towards my children; for and towards the fortunate and fateful. LORD, LET me BE compassion!” As I set out to study what I wanted to BEcome, I learned that compassion doesn’t seek a return from others; it simply enjoys being what it is and doing what it does. Also, I’ve learned that it is an intensely powerful word that brings life. It has elements of mercy that runs deep to spring up like a rushing well of water. My study revealed to me that the word Ruhamah, which is Hebrew in origin, derives from the root-verb raham, meaning to love deeply/to have mercy. This kind of compassion is expressed in Exodus 33:19 and 2 Kings 13:23.

In order to BEcome the image of my Creator, I had to consider my ways and change my reasoning. To live, in the likeness of my YAH, I must continuously have the mind of Christ. My spirit self, meaning the real me, has to abound at all times lest I return to the foolishness of my natural self, i.e., the self-harming. Of this lot in life, I have fully BEcome whom I desired to BE and I covet no longer. I have long disowned self-harm, and I cleave to Pure Divine Love. I AM now, compassion!

I Receive The Gift

May26

This morning, I was reading through some messages and came across a prayer that said, “I pray that God protects your money. I bind Satan from diverting your money to someone else!” (((Chuckling))) I was not surprised that this message greeted me as it was just a few hours into the morning that I had a dream of a company giving me $10,000 (testimony, law, responsibility, the completeness of order) for my Top Kids Mentoring Program. Whereas I normally recall all the details of my dreams, I don’t recall all for this one.

Nonetheless, I do remember that the money was in cash with a check/cashier check on the top and it had a rubber band around it. I asked the man that brought it to me, “Where did this come from?” He replied, “A lady with a shop! She just told me that it was yours and to make sure you got it.” He kept trying to explain to me the kind of shop she had where you can purchase flavored drinks, health drinks, slushes, smoothies, etc. I, in the dream didn’t know of a lady with that kind of business. Yet, I do in this realm. While rejoicing, and thanking God for sending me my money, His Favour, the man placed the money in my hand. Also, I remember that it was a Saturday, late in the afternoon, and I was almost jittery about carrying that much money on me. So, I told them I need to get to the bank and make a deposit. I remember putting the money in my pockets and saying, “The bank is closed. I can’t make a deposit today.” Then, I remembered thinking how when I worked in the fast-food industry that you can make night drops (deposits) and I thought to get a deposit bag and make a night drop.

As I was walking to this door to deposit the money, I saw my mother’s face in the door window and she was yelling something. She looked frantic! The closer I got to her, I could see her eyes begin to roll into her head and I begin screaming, “MOM! MOM! PLEASE MOM!” By the time I got to the door, she had fallen to the ground…no movement. When I woke up, it was 1:58 a.m. (Unity, Favour of God, New Beginning, and Salvation). I wanted to cry, as my heart had been incited to fear that my mother was dead. There were many odd things happening in this dream: the beginning I hardly remembered, and the ending causing my heart to feel uneasy.

But even now, I rejoice! I pray, I BElieve that I receive, and I shall have this gift that is gifted to me. I stand forgiving my debtors! I speak increase to my money. I command it to come forth! LORD, whomever she is that gave to me in this dream, for I knew her not, whomever she is that gifted me, that favoured me, LET her find me! LET her seek for me and come forth in this realm. This gift was for the purpose that You’ve placed in my hands called Top Kids Mentoring Program, LET it come forth in this realm LORD! I speak to her, whoever she is, I am grateful to you for your compassion towards me; you have obeyed the LORD and you shall BE perpetually blessed. Do not doubt His leading! He, the LORD God our Creator, has put me on your mind. I receive the gift!

Parents STOP Bullying Your Children!

May25

On last night as I was picking up my lads from ‘fun with friends’ in Russiaville, I was listening to a radio show called ‘Fanning the Flame with Pastor Dave Engbrecht’ of Nappanee, IN. He was teaching on the very thing that I’d shared with a dear mother on yesterday afternoon about parenting. During my morning meditation, I was recalling many of the valuable words of nourishment that he was imparting. It just now came to me that some parents have a tendency to bully, oppress, their children into doing things that will make them (the parent) happy. They will often develop a rod of control and deem it to BE a rod of correction. We good parents desire what is best for our sons and daughters. And that desire, at times, is capable of leading us to imprisoning the fruit of our wombs unaware. Protection! We want to protect them from decisions that will lead to unwarranted impoverishment and ineptness in life.

However, we can’t protect them by controlling them. SELAH!

I recall the numerous times that I’ve laid this before my own lads, “You have choices. You can do this thing or you can do that thing. If you disobey these are the rewards; if you obey these are the rewards. Now, you choose which reward you want.” Sometimes, just sometimes, they choose a reward they really don’t want (they disobey), but I have to BE the maturing parent and continue teaching them as they grow. This doesn’t mean that I don’t or won’t get frustrated or upset. I do! Nonetheless, as I grow up with my lads I mature in my parenting methods. So must we all! We can’t expect our young adult children to respond well to us if we are still parenting them as if they were adolescents…in both age and mind. SELAH!

If we do not improve (mature), we ultimately drive a wedge between us, and we create a contentious relationship. You know, that’s just like the enemy of evil to come in and create breaks of discord to ascend and live. However, we who are parents IN the LORD are the ones whom the children are commanded to obey. Then, they are commanded to obey parents in all things because it is pleasing to the LORD. Their obedience is for the LORD’s satisfaction not ours. SELAH! Thus, when they disobey we have to LET the way of the LORD discipline them through us, not us disciplining them because we are dissatisfied of their turning away.

In my April 28, 2015 journal, I beseeched parents to repent. As I’ve said it then, I say it again, parents we have to repent! Repent for our lack of understanding; repent for ruling with the rod of control (our emotions) and not with the rod of correction as the scripture have taught us. LET us turn from provoking our children to wrath. LET us not incarcerate our sons and daughters for the fault of their ways while in training. Imagine if our parents would have held us captive and not let us live? We all have gotten an “F” in something, yet we all have had the opportunities to make good that grade. LET us love our sons and daughters like YAH loves us; giving them the same opportunity to make good the grade. He loves us so that He saw us polluted in our blood (our sins, our own righteousness, which is as filthy rags), and He commanded us to live.

Parents LET us do our part!

And even if our children make the choice to not do their part,we must propel in parenting IN the LORD.

BE Benevolent!

May22

This word has been scrolling across my head for three days. I’ve heard this word, particularly in Christian ministries, that are called ‘churches’, and they have what is called Benevolence Funds.

The origin of the word and the foundation of its meaning are well-wishing; organized to do good things for other people; kind and generous. When people are in dire need, many of them expect the religious businesses to do good things for them; to help them up from the mire. After all, this is what many of us have been taught that these ministry businesses are supposed to do. At times disconcerting, but yet truthfully true, these businesses are not ‘organized’ to BE BENEVOLENT. This is not their mission and vision. SELAH!

Thus, some will establish non-profit organizations to provide a service to assist you, i.e., halfway houses funded by philanthropists and world agencies, child care services funded by state programs, homes for teenage parents and domestic violence victims funded by foundations and the criminal justice system, and counseling centers for those who are addicted to various vices paid for by your insurance company. I am no against these entities, because they do assist people in great manifestations. On the other hand thought, many of these established ‘charitable’ organizations require you to invest (co-pays, sliding scale fees, payment plans, etc.) in their generosity towards and for you.

BUT HOW IS IT PERFECTLY CHARITABLE IF THEY ARE SEEING A RETURN?

I do believe that people should BE BENEVOLENT. And, I believe they should BE this with wisdom and without expectation from anyone except the LORD. So, with resolution that is built on the Chief Cornerstone, in this manner I encourage you (those of you who truly need assistance): do not hold these ministry businesses responsible to help you or hold them captive when they are not charitable towards you. They are simply not organized (set-up, established, instituted) to do that. Pray that the LORD directs you to the ones who are organized (structured, well-regulated, and inherently able) to GIVE, to do good things for you, and to BE kind and generous to you. Your investment will be to owe them nothing but to love them.

To BE BENEVOLENT is a lifestyle. Today… I choose, again, to BE. SELAH!

Habit by Repetition

May5

This morning, as I lay in bed, I was recapturing this ODD dream I was having about a man who needed help in his repossession (reclamation, restoration, recovery) business. I had recommended someone else for the job, but he just kept on telling me about what he needed. He had it all laid out, i.e., the area I’d work in, the compensation, the benefits, etc. and I still referred him to another person who I deemed to BE better skilled to do the work. As I laid there I was praying and thinking, “LORD! Something just doesn’t seem right. Show me what this is…this THING that I’m feeling this morning. (Very sluggish) Why is this presence here?”

When I took my Jordan to school today, Josh’s teacher greeted me at the car and said, “Did Josh tell you he passed his test yesterday?” I, thinking she was talking about the ECA test, told her, “He told me he had to take the ECA test yesterday (in my head thinking, they don’t get those pass or fail status’ right away), but he didn’t tell me he passed.” She was looking in the back seat to see if he was in the car and I responded to her look, “He’s at home today; not feeling well. But, I’m praying he gets to feeling better so that he can at least come to school this afternoon and take the other portion of the ECA.” She replies, “I mean he passed his math test with at 93%.” We both giggled and cheered him on in his absence as the superintendent watched us with a smile. This is a big to do for us. As it is, my Josh is a resuscitated baby and because of such there is a slight disconnect between his hearing and articulation.

When he was diagnosed with CAPD (central auditory processing disorder) and ADHD, I, as a parent, had to BE diligent in making sure he had all the necessary tools to succeed in the classroom, where he spends majority of his time. Two of the most important tools were my parental advocacy (his wellbeing is my priority) and making sure the teachers were held accountable in doing their part of successfully teaching. I have REGULAR (like going to the bathroom regular) conversations with his teachers, coaches, and his speech therapist. I get weekly updates on his and Jordan’s progress, missed homework assignments, test grades, misconduct if there is any, and etc. They send me emails, text messages; they call me and greet me very heartily in the mornings. As a parent, it was my intention to establish this kind of relationship with them being that they are imparting into the lives of my sons up to 12 hours a day sometimes.

Anyway, as I was rejoicing over Josh’s victory my prayers had changed. “LORD, I appreciate the teacher for her attention to my son and her method of teaching. I’m thankful for her diligence in maintaining her part of our plan. She was consistent; she was repetitive in reviewing and moving on; recapping again and moving forward; repeating step-by-step and progressing. She didn’t let him fail. SELAH! This is a good morning report!” In conjunction with this, my son didn’t want to fail so he too had to maintain his part of our plan. He had to develop a new behavior (habit) that complemented what I and the teacher were doing. He had to BEcome habitual in his actions of studying; reviewing and recapping; repeating and redoing. That behavior only comes by way of repetition.” When I wake up in the morning, I pray. I don’t go to the bathroom first, or eat breakfast first. Before I leave my room, I pray for 30 minutes. This behavior only came by way of diligent repetition.

As I was driving back into town rejoicing and reviewing all the involved components that greeted me this morning, the Holy Spirit presented me the answer to my morning prayer at precisely 7:32 a.m.: HABIT BY REPETITION! Many things flooded my mind as I pondered upon those three words. However, these things resounded:

(1) The LORD YAH is habitual. His Spirit is chronic (as in long-lasting, always present); consistent unto righteousness. Even when the LORD does a new thing, the THING is new, but the LORD YAH changes not and the LORD Yeshua is the same yesterday, to day, and for ever. SELAH!

(2) And, because my confession is that I abide in Him and His Words abide in me, then I too must BE habitual, consistent unto righteousness, in doing A NEW THING! This new thing for me is called REPOSSESSING. I must repossess (recover, reclaim, regain, recoup, return to) my good sleeping and resting habits. I do well for a few weeks, but then my behavior changes and I form a habit of staying up late and getting up early. This is vain (of no value) and is not righteousness. My sleep gravely misses me and I’ve been neglecting him. I’ve not been kind to him; restricting his quality time with me. The benefits that come with me LETTING sleep rest up on me are considerable. Sleep! Forgive me for abusing you; for depriving you of your time. Release me from the debt that I’ve brought up on you and myself. SELAH!

(3) Also, I must repossess (recovery, reclaim, regain, recoup) dominion. YAH said, LET US make man in OUR image and after OUR likeness; and LET them HAVE (possess and retain) dominion. The only way for me to REPOSSESS these things is to change my Habit by Repetition! I must begin a NEW procedure, a NEW routine of living. The LORD YAH is fulfilling His part of the plan. When I do my part of the plan, He is not going to LET me fail!

A few hours later, at 10:08 a.m., I was speaking a message and the word I used was translated as Shimano. This is no mistake! The Spirit of the LORD is giving me the power to get wealth. I’ve never said that word before in my life and have never seen that word before. Regardless, it is a real word and a prosperous word. I looked it up and Shimano, headquartered in Sakai, Japan, is a multinational manufacturing company of cycling components, fishing tackle, and rowing equipment. Now, this is the second time my translation has picked up a foreign accent in my voice, and they were two different accents. With this happening, I know what I must do. REPOSSESS! © 2015 Angela M. Smith

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